How to manage your emotions

5 Feb

Whilst the idea of feeling your feelings may appear obvious, many of us avoid, ignore or squash down our emotions. We don’t like the idea of an emotion like sadness or anger taking over us and feeling out of control or vulnerable. Or we get in the habit of talking about our feelings, analysing and intellectualising them rather than experiencing them in our bodies and hearts. But the truth is, learning to identify and accept your emotions is one of the most powerful habits for happiness. As what we resist, persists.

The reason we resist some emotions often stems from our childhood. Perhaps, when you were growing up there were emotions that were acceptable, like joy and happiness, and others that you weren’t allowed to express, like anger or jealousy.

Maybe, as an adult, you experience a more constant, low-level emotional experience that impacts how you see the world, like vigilance or anticipation. Perhaps, deep within your heart, under layers of protection, there is grief or sadness desperately wanting to be expressed.

There are many different theories about emotions, how many we have, whether they are basic or complex, universal or context based, and their effects on our psychology, physiology, our outlook and our actions. Most theories agree that learning to be with your emotional world is one of the most powerful habits for happiness and wellbeing. Here are 4 key ideas about emotions that might help you feel less afraid of them, and more open to letting them do their thing.

The physiological lifespan of an emotion in the body and brain is ninety seconds. This means that the pure expression of an emotion will come and go quite quickly. It’s the resistance and the stories we attach to the emotion that stay around for longer.
Emotions are energy in motion and if they are not expressed, the energy is repressed.
If emotions are left unchecked, they can intensify. For example, annoyance can transform into anger and then into rage.
If you are cut off from your emotions, you will eventually experience them on a purely physical level, as a physical problem or symptom.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean that, if you are experiencing an emotion like grief, the experience will only last ninety seconds. It will continue to cycle through your body as many times as it needs to.

Trust that each time you attend to the somatic experience of grief (or any other emotion), you are sending a powerful message to your body and heart that you are listening, respecting and honouring them.

Cultivating your capacity to attend to what is here in the moment, to not push anything away, will help you to feel more resilient, empowered and confident. If you would like further support in exploring your emotions, please contact a trained professional.

With these ideas in mind, you can begin to attend to your emotions by exploring this five-step process.

Become familiar with the wide range of human emotions.
For example, joy, love, happiness, acceptance, surprise, awe, appreciation, vigilance, anticipation, sadness, fear, grief, shame, guilt, loathing, disgust, anger and rage. Remind yourself that every emotion serves a purpose and that there are no good or bad emotions. Set yourself the intention to notice your emotions as you move through your day in a way that feels safe for you and others.
Let go of your stories. When you notice an emotion arise, take a deep breath, unhook from any stories and move your awareness into your body. Allow the emotion to express itself in your body without the usual accompanying narratives.
Become the witness to sensation. Remind yourself that emotions move through the body in ninety seconds. Breathe. Notice physical sensations.
Trust. Repeat silently in your mind: Emotions come and go like clouds in the sky. I am safe to feel my emotions.
Find a feeling of safety. Scan your body for any places that feel relaxed or at ease. Rest your attention here for a few breaths as a way to recalibrate. Or you can settle into the wholehearted posture if you prefer.